news:a7t0ss87uqrrrmer4ob7ftqg3pd85hut3n@4ax.com...
> Well, I was going to do this last night while watching the match on
> TV. Then a pal I hadn't seen for 5 years turns up on holiday from
> Brisbane, so we decided to go to the pub instead.
>
> Would you mind filling in the Chan-type analysis yourselves? Thanks
> awfully.
>
>
> Arsenal v Coventry City
>
The recent discovery that Arsenal shirts attract metallic objects and the
well known copper thread that runs through al Coventry jersies will make
this a fascinating encounter. I predict that Strachan will drink from a
small child's can of coke and Adams will buy a fridge.
Home win.
> Aston Villa v Bradford City
>
Aston Villa have not had their troubles to seek recently and it will be
interesting to see how they bounce back from midweek events. As you all no
doubt know the entire team was found hiding in a wendy house in the Early
learning centre in Largs. With no explanation forthcoming police equires are
continuing. So things should go Bradford's way. I predict that a magpie will
swoop down and steal the rings of Gregory's hand and an old woman in the
crowd will weep at the memory of her dead husband.
Away win.

> Charlton Athletic v Tottenham Hotspur
>
The shock news that Charlton will field a team comprising entirely of
robotic dogs will make this one of the most interesting fixtures of the
weekend. George Graham has been furious with his back four in recent weeks -
the lack of concentration reached a new low midweek when Steve Carr nipped
off for a pie during the first half. School boy errors like that will cost
them a european place if they are not careful.
Draw.
> Chelsea v Leicester City
>
With Leicester on the verge of announcing a major media deal with the
Aberdeen Press and Journal these are exciting times down Flibert St way.
Stamford bridge is now fully operational again after the disasterous  "bring
your cows to the game" day. This debacle led directly to the sacking of
Vialli and really he can have no complaints.
I predict a small petri dish will be thrown from the crowd and Lebouef will
be exposed as the plastercine man who has been linked with Mel B.
Home win.

> Everton v Manchester United
>
A woman named Helen Bottle will ensure that this match is abandoned. I can
say no more at the moment.

> Leeds United v Ipswich Town
>
Ipswich will be taken aback to discover that Leeds players are actually 8
foot tall and have a genie taking the penalties. This will lead to a careful
perusal of the FA rule book before the ref decides that curly shoes are not
official sanctioned footwear. Burley will insist on conducting his post
match press conference hiding inside a cardboard box.
Home win.
> Manchester City v Middlesbrough
>
Nicky Weaver will remember that he has left the gas on at home and Man City
will be forced to play the first 20 minutes without a keeper. Fortunately
Weaver will arrive with enough raviolli for everyone and there will be
outbreaks of morris dancing. Volvic will be discovered under the pitch.
Home win.

> Southampton v Newcastle United
>
The battle of the white stripes, as this big match is always know, will no
doubt be as intriguing as ever. Owing to the fuel scandal Newcastle have
chosen to travel down to Southampton on vespas and I feel that this will
work in their favour. Arriving at the dell fresh of face and picking flies
out of their teeth they will be too much for Southampton who have still not
recovered from the news that their new centre forward is really a barbie
doll.
Away win.
> Sunderland v Derby County
>
With Sunderland flying high after the news that oil has been discovered on
Niall Quinn's thigh it will be a difficult day for derby. However they will
also be brimmed full of confidence after the arrival of some top grade
speed. If they can negotiate the always tricky post match clock setting then
Sunderland could have an excellent chance.
Home win.

> West Ham United v Liverpool
It will rain wine racks.
Away win.

oft